Forget about aging gracefully ...

This morning, following a time-honored morning ritual, I had “Good Morning America” on in the background as I got ready for work. I do this because I like seeing what the weather is predicted to be, what I might expect to hear “at the water cooler” that day and what the top weird news of the day might be … that kind of thing. This morning my attention was grabbed by a commercial for “female replacement knees”. My immediate reaction was unbridled excitement “Wow, where can I get a pair” … and “gee, I didn’t realize knees weren’t gender specific already “… but I found the train of thought that followed that really pretty intriguing. If we're advertising replacement knees I can't help but wonder how far away we are from commercials advertising things like synthetic kidneys? This knee commercial sort of brings sci-fi movies in from the realm of the ridiculous and into the realm of hey just maybe. A commercial for a replacement knee might have been in the background of a sci-fi movie 20 years ago just to establish a futuristic mood ... but now here it is, really happening. Replacement knees are being advertised on TV! How far behind can commercials for personal clones be?

For me that commercial put a focus on the somewhat disturbing age-related advertising I've noticed recently. It seems that as the baby boomers age, advertising has taken on a somewhat surreal twist. Channel grazing recently I came across a commercial for what I thought was a cell phone ear piece. It was really small. It was really sleek. It was really sexy (whatever that means for an ear piece) and it came in a myriad of appealing, fun and fashion forward colors. Just as I got interested and was thinking "ooh this is seriously cute and I might want one" it turned out to be a “One Touch Ultra Mini” a device for checking your blood sugar. Oh my! Not that I might not need that someday ... but oh my! My mom was diabetic and her meters always had a definite medicinal quality to their design. I mean looking at it, you knew it was for medical purposes. Not so these little babies though. As I pondered that some more, I realized that everything for the aging is a little hotter, a little chicer and a lot cooler in design now that the hippies are moving into antiquity. For example knee braces have left their prosthetic-looking demeanor in the moth balls and even they are sports-oriented and somewhat "cool". Much like the cool little mobility scooters that are a cross between a wheelchair and a sports car. Some have a top speed of 25 mph ya' know. I think that’s fast enough to get bugs in your teeth isn’t it? How long do you think it will be before we see sleek and sexy matching helmets available at stores everywhere? They can merchandise those helmets right next to the new and colorful “readers” for the presbyopic, the “personal listening devices” for the audio-challenged and the Dr. Scholl’s gellin’ inserts for plain old aging feet. They can dedicate entire grocery store aisles to the aging soon. Makes one think doesn't it? I think we all need to pool our resources and launch a line of matching, hot, racing gloves before Dr. Scholl's crew thinks of it!!!

This shift in advertising, this comfort discussing things medicinal in nature during prime time, has extended itself to commercial blitzes on topics once regarded as somewhat unsavory in mixed company. For example, right smack in the middle of “Grey’s Anatomy last week here’s a Viagra commercial "so I’m ready when the time is right”. Hmmm, let me think. Do I really want a mental image of the graying, yet fit, couple I’m watching in the commercial getting it on once their college-age kids surprise visit is finally over? Uh, no. And how about all those commercials about bladder control? Good Lord it's difficult to converse with another adult woman without wondering if she might be quietly peeing her pants in my presence. It makes the fact that we once relegated something as innocuous as denture creme to commercial time slots only during “The Price is Right” really dumb. Now we happily eat dinner to embarrassing ads for personal lubricants. Who wudda' thunk it? I have to wonder if Gen X will expand on this new liberal advertising philosophy of products for the old folk OR if it will all slide quietly back into the closet when the boomers have finally gone bust and the young can finally take over the world.

Now where did I put that coupon for “Depends” anyway?

(no grandparents were harmed in the writing of this blog)