That’s just how I feel.
We’ve arrived in Arizona … aka “The Valley of the Sun”!! Let’s be realistic folks and just call it “The Valley ON the Sun” cuz that’s far closer to the truth. Redding is plenty hot in the summer but at least the temperature drops somewhat in the evenings. Here the temperature never drops significantly enough to provide any real relief. My first day here it was 104 degrees at noon, it was still a whopping 94 at midnight and it was a muggy 76 degrees by 6am this morning. The air conditioners never get a break … the hum is constant in the house… like tinnitus except you have to pay for it! I’m very afraid of the coming utility bill!
At times I feel like I’ve migrated to a parallel universe where everything is deceptively the same but not quite right, in short it’s like being cast as a guest star in an episode of the Twilight Zone where you open the kitchen cupboards only to find that all the food is made of Plaster of Paris. After comparing notes the family has decided it’s because it’s not just another state, it’s another planet. So we’ve agreed to work at blending in to prevent the natives from recognizing us as the aliens we are and coming after us to dissect our brains, or worse … probe us!
Things I haven’t yet quite adjusted to on the new planet of Arizona:
It’s extraordinarily flat here with occasional outbreaks of what Arizonians call “mountains”. Ok I guess technically they’re mountains but from far away they look like nothing more than a painted backdrop from a Wiley E. Coyote cartoon and up close they look like gigantic piles of potting soil. They’re just …. weird.
I’m having trouble taking the state flag here seriously. It flaps in the breeze over the local McDonald’s looking like an enlarged version of something some rinky-dink Midwest colorguard might spin. Who knew I had so much respect for the golden bear?
Everyone here is devoted to NASCAR. I have no words for that except WTF.
The city streets seem extraordinarily wide and open with few to no lines painted in the intersections resulting in the sensation that the 8 lanes of traffic across from you at the signal really are ONCOMING TRAFFIC!
The traffic light layout is different. Of course I was the first car in the left turn only lane when I discovered this. Instead of a rectangular block of 3, it’s a square block of 5! Trust me I was honked at as if I was sporting a bumper sticker that read “Honk if you love NASCAR”. I’ve about got it figured out now. The light turns green and everyone goes and you yield. Then the light turns red for a bit. Don’t go. Then the arrow lights up green and you get to go unimpeded by oncoming traffic. This means you get two chances to go in every cycle. That’s got to ultimately be a bonus right? The confusion is more in the presentation than anything else I guess, even so, it will take me awhile to get used to the idea that I have the option to fling myself into oncoming traffic any time any light is green. Can someone give me a woohoo?
Swimming. I love the swimming part I just hate the bathing suit part. Unfortunately it’s simply too hot here to say no to owning, and then of course WEARING a bathing suit.
Changes I’ve happily accepted here on the planet of Arizona …
The really spectacular icemaker in the refrigerator
No helmet law for motorcyclists. Right! It doesn’t affect me directly, but being that I’m against motherhood laws on principle, I can’t help but to see this as a good thing.
Nine-foot ceilings
You can talk on your cell phone while you drive. Hooray! Perfect now that I’ve opted not to have a cell phone. God’s sense of humor working overtime there.
Front license plates are not required here. See above and reference God’s sense of humor.
Brand new carpeting
The view of the moon from my oversized kitchen window.
The nice Fry’s and Trader Joe’s close to home to supplement the Super Walmart right around the corner. It’s a regular shopping bonanza here.
The en suite bathroom.
The incredible number of restaurants in Biltmore and the Camelback Corridor
To sum it all up …
As of this morning, I have home 91.53% unpacked and so can reasonably get through the normal course of a day. Good news for my sanity that! Once unpacked, I found out that the apartment is considerably bigger than is required for the amount of stuff I own. An excellent problem to have! 1221 square feet is bigger than I thought – so much for any spatial skills I thought I had. The extra square footage, the extra garage, the extra 1.5 bathrooms, the high quality fitness room, the game room, the resort-style pool, the Jacuzzi, the sauna, the internet café and the tanning bed (yes, I said tanning bed) compensate nicely for the absence of a backyard. I’m sure the dogs would disagree but then they’re not paying the rent.
I'm starting to feel at home here already :-)
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