To me going to court is like going to church or to the movies … you don’t go there to talk. Right? In fact if you do talk you can actually get arrested on a misdemeanor charge. Wow what fun! So I’m sitting in court with nothing to do and nothing being said that I need to hear and there’s these two blue haired ladies talking … and talking … and talking. Outta’ control, back-of-the-classroom, teenage girl giggling and whispering. I’m not annoyed, just mildly amused that they’re getting away with it without getting tossed by the bailiff (see polar bear -- point made). About a half hour goes by and these two are still at it. They’ve added musical chairs to their repertoire and they’ve changed seats for the fifth time when they finally wind up sitting directly in front of me. Naturally I watch them. I'm a people watcher when I'm bored. I figure out who they are there for and come to realize they’re part of a group of about eight people all here for the same defendant. So now the musical chairs make sense. I’m watching them and randomly notice they’re not speaking English. Eh, no biggie, neither are the people from an eastern block country sitting behind me. Then an interesting case comes up and I stop paying attention to the blue haired ladies and am totally engrossed in the unfolding courtroom drama when the back of my brain starts to tickle me and I realize that the little blue haired ladies whispered speech pattern of "yizzy-yizzy-yizzy" is really familiar to me … no, no, wait … I understand them! It takes my brain about a full 15 seconds to absorb why … it’s carny talk! I feel stunned (and a lot stupid). By way of explanation carny talk is a sort of pig latin using the sound of iz at every syllable -- for example, cat is c-iz-at. It used to be used by carnival and circus people and lately it’s been popping up in the hip hop culture. I’ve never, never, never, heard anyone outside of my fraternal family speak carny talk conversationally and I haven’t heard it spoken at all in at least five years. At this point, it’s worth mentioning that I was (sarcasm on) raised by pirates (sarcasm off). We routinely did things no one else did and carny talk was one of those things. I grew up with it and I know I’m the 3rd generation in my family to use it comfortably. So now I’m scrutinizing these ladies and everyone with them to discern whether or not I’m related to any of them or at the very least know any of them. Final conclusion … nope! No way. Right about then my case gets called, the blue haired, carny talking ladies exit my focus completely and I forget about them until the next day … at which point I get on the internet and discover there’s an entire subculture of thousands of people out there still speaking this stuff. Shock and amazement. Another epiphany.
IzI gizuess izif yizou lizive lizong izenizough yizou rizeallizy dizo sizee izeverizythizing.
In other news ... at 2 a.m. on Thursday morning Mo the cat suddenly sprouted an enormous set of shiny stainless steel balls when he encountered Ted the dog blocking the bedroom doorway. Mo deftly delivered a stunning 3-combination to the tip of Ted's nose causing Ted to beat a hasty retreat. Mo, now in full adrenal-charged,ninja mode wasn't having it. He continued the assault causing Ted to launch a counter attack in which he placed both paws on Mo's body, bit Mo's mid-section and then flung Mo, like a wet dishrag, into the closet doors with a loud BANG! Much fur and hissing later ... the cold war is over and full attack mode is ON.
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