I see the moon and the moon sees me ...

If you weren’t lucky enough to be out driving around at 3:30 a.m. today then you missed a fabulous moon. Fabulous in the way that it’s fabulous to be startled to see an eagle flying over the freeway, or to happen across a great horned owl sitting high in a tree in your camp site or to see a bear foraging in the forest (and leaving your expensive prescription sunglasses behind, quietly backing away so you can survive to write about it in your blog). I’ve seen all of those things and know that sometimes nature just makes me stop and stare ... and it's once in a lifetime fabulous. The moon this morning was like that. You could see the dark outline of the whole moon with just a thin crescent of dark orange glow at the very bottom and sort of tipped at an angle. The moon looked heavy and was enormous on the horizon. It felt like you could put your hand out the car window and just cup it in your palm to feel the weight of it. I nearly drove off the freeway overpass looking at it and for the rest of the drive I kept pondering where the sun would have to be in relationship to the earth to cast a shadow at that angle on the moon and was once again astonished that any people anywhere could have ever believed the world to be flat with the obvious truth staring them in the face.

Then I wondered what obvious truths are staring us in the face now that we simply can’t comprehend.

Briefly it made me sad to realize that so much of the universe is still beyond our intellect.

Finally I was glad for at least I have the intellect to appreciate the wonder of it all anyway.


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A Little Ray of Sunshine Shone on Me Today

I just got an email from Dee Ariza asking me about my "availability" to judge during CCGC's 2007 winterguard season. I'm so excited to be asked back for this year that I'm dancing on my desk ... using proper technique of course!

I can't stop smiling :)


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Renegades ... It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

Cheers to five years of fairy dust and belief in Santa Claus, to an extension of youth and youthful dreams now fully realized. Goodbye and good luck to my Renegade pals ... it was far better than I ever thought it would be ... and so was I.

Thanks for the time of my life :)

**************************************************
Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good times
Tattoos and memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth, it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
<$1 to Green Day>

**************************************************


I will miss it all .....






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Excruciating Excursions

Since moving to Sac a few weeks ago, I’ve been searching for a grocery store worthy of replacing the nearly new, spacious and clean (and in my view wonderful) Super WalMart that I used to shop at in Dixon for groceries and just about everything else. There’s just something indescribably special about being able to buy a week’s worth of groceries, a framing hammer and a leather purse all in one shopping cart and at a rock bottom price.

So being totally out of food and no further along in my quest to replace Super WalMart, I went to FoodsCo, a "discount" food store on Northgate Blvd., during my lunch hour yesterday so I could pick up a few things. Egads! Never again. It was a torturous trip. Every aisle reminded me of Highway 50 during a snow storm – you know when everyone haphazardly pulls to the side of the road to put their chains on turning traffic order into utter chaos … and all that staged to a pounding hip-hop beat.

rant :on:
Why oh why do all low-price retail establishments find it necessary to bump hip hop and rap music exclusively? I’m curious to see the market study that shows that Grandma prefers the accompaniment Dr. Dre while making a denture cream selection. I wish marketing people would give some serious thought to who their market really is.
rant :off:

It took me an hour to spend $39 and in that entire time I never grew to understand FoodsCo’s merchandising strategy. For example, following an extensive search that would have impressed Dr. Leeky I finally found ordinary canned chili in the “ethnic foods” aisle and canned tuna with the canned vegetables (you don’t have to be a vegan to agree that’s just weird). Their wacky merchandising logic had me doubling back repeatedly which made me cringe ... but what made me cringe even more was the clientele ... universally grubby and plain inconsiderate of one another. It seemed everyone was wearing too-short-shorts, grimy hair and dirty flip flops. Ok … I recognize the grit is just part of the down-spiraling of American society and it no longer fazes me, but I do wish shoppers would realize that grocery carts aren’t Conestoga wagons caravanning down a trail into the untamed west. We don’t have to proceed down the aisle in a single file line that blocks everyone else’s progress whilst we commiserate with one another over which brand of canned beets are the best value … and who eats those anyway? I wish folks would realize we'dl ALL get out of there fast with just a little consideration and cooperation.

When I was through pinching my pennies at FoodsCo, but still actively on that hunt to stretch my money, I drove through Taco Bell on my way back to my office and ordered two .99 burritos. Unfortunately I was so wound up from my excruciating shopping excursion that I paid for my food, got my change and drove away without my lunch. Sheesh, $2.12 for nothing ... it's as if I just made an interest-only payment on my lunch. There goes the .39 I saved on bologna, the .49 cents on spaghetti sauce, etc

Sigh … I miss my Super WalMart.

How far away is Dixon anyway?

Food (and framing hammers) for thought ………

Why Play?

McDonald’s is once again playing the “Monopoly” game. Why do I like playing this game? I dutifully collect all my little colorful stickers and solemnly stick them onto the Monopoly game page hanging on the front of my fridge. I always get everything except the last one I need … you know, I’ve got Atlantic Avenue and Ventnor but Marvin Gardens is only available in Bumfuck, Egypt and I’m likely never gonna’ see it. I know this when I start the game so why do I even play? As I was sticking little bits of paper onto my Monopoly page last night I got to thinking, who won the last game? Then I realized I’ve never once heard who wins those games. McDonald’s spends a boat load of their advertising budget printing and advertising these games. Wouldn’t you think they’d want to make a mega marketing hype about the winners? Curious isn’t it? Did anyone win? Does anyone ever win? Anything?

This got me thinking about all the other “winners” I’ve never seen. Who won the free week of groceries from the local supermarket drawing or the free tank of gas from the corner gas station? Did anyone? I’ll never know. That made me think about all those times I’ve “won” something from the internet. You know, click here to claim your prize … just sign up for $1,000 of stuff you don’t need and you can have this $25 camera phone for free (plus $35 in shipping and handling charges). That got me to thinking maybe no one ever really wins anything. The super cynical side of me started declaring it to all just be marketing hype … and then I remembered that once I won. I really, really won.

When I was a little girl my Mom used to grocery shop at Vic’s market. It was a small corner grocery that had a heavy swinging door with a bell on it. It was always dark and cool inside and smelled of freshly opened cardboard boxes and cold cuts. They had a Coca-Cola machine that sold Coke in tiny glass bottles but your timing had to be quick and damn near perfect – snatch the bottle too soon and it would stick in the dull metal jaws of the mechanism and pinch your fingers in the process – snatch it too late and just miss out – most of the time it cheated you out of your money. A lot more reliable, the store also had a penny gumball machine chock full of inviting little fruit-colored orbs, all in solid colors. Amongst the solid colors was a single bright yellow gumball bearing two red stripes around it and if you got that gumball you could turn it in for a free candy bar. The prize gumball was always teasingly positioned where you could see it either on top of the pile or right next to the glass. One hot and sticky summer afternoon in 1965 I crossed my fingers and pushed my penny in the machine’s slot for the umpteenth time, turning the handle, the swinging lid giving a little squeak as it opened …I felt like the luckiest kid in the world when that bright yellow striped gumball emerged quietly from under the lid and rolled gently into my palm. I was ecstatic. I looked around to see if anyone else saw me win but no one had. So proudly holding my newly won gumball so that everyone could plainly see it I stepped up to the cashier to claim my free candy bar and asked for a Big Hunk – but when the cashier asked me for the gumball I just stood there and blinked at her. I couldn’t give it up. I stuffed the little gumball into the pocket of my cotton shorts and took it home where I put it in my ballerina music box. There it sat for years fading and gathering lint. Evidence that I’d won. Really, really won.

Maybe that’s why I still play …

Weekend Recovery

So I had the radio cranked up in the car this morning hoping to chase away the blues from a truly hideous Sunday and found myself laughing out loud over a Kaiser Permanente commercial. The commercial's message is "wellness" and one of the statements they made is that "50 is the new 30". I LOVE IT ... so much so that I adopted it into my vernacular that very second.

If 50 is the new 30 then I'm only 29!


WOOHOO !!!!

My checkbook has stretch marks

I moved heaven and earth last week to scrape together enough money to pick up Chris’ car. I feel like I’m balancing a big column of china teacups on the tip of my pinky while riding a unicycle but if everything goes according to plan nothing will break. I’m on the lookout for Murphy and his damn law … we’ll see how it goes.

The final day to pick up the car was Saturday and it was a special kind of hell. I had a detailed plan … as I always do … but it went the way of the Dodo almost from the get-go. It started with me driving Chris to work in Davis at 5:00 am and looping back home but then being too charged up to get back to sleep. I left home again at 9:00 needing to make just one stop prior to picking up Chris’ car. That one stop turned into seven, ultra-frustrating trips, laden with rejection, delays and encounters with multiple folks operating on minimum bandwidth:

Number of train delays = 2
Number of bridge delays = 1
Number of people encountered with double digit IQs = 5 (and that does not include the ones the state of California gave driver’s licenses to)
Number of times I yelled at Fred for driving crazy = 85,000
Temperature outside = 95
Temperature in the car = 107
Phone calls to banks to find an open branch = 4
Trips to open branches not actually open = 1
Number of times I drove through the 80/50/5/99 interchange loop = 9
Number of dollars left in checking account = 19
Handfuls of hair ripped out in frustration = 1

Finally arriving at the car dealership at 1:10, sweaty ball of money tightly clutched in my fist, I spoke to the service department clerk who flashed a manufactured smile at me and said “I can’t find your car, are you sure this is where you left it?”. Suffice it to say that after a somewhat pregnant pause I had a melt down of nearly gargantuan proportions. Through the fog of my frustration I vaguely remember contemplating just going ahead and climbing over the counter and choking the 18 year old twit … er clerk … to death … and thinking all the while no jury would convict me. She was rescued by the Service Department Manager who quickly found the paperwork, as well as the car, took my $1000 ball of money and did what any good manager would …. got me the hell out of his dealership as quickly as possible.

Getting Chris’ car out = mission accomplished.

Number of twits …er clerks … who I’m guessing will think twice before telling another customer she can’t find their car = 1.

By 1:48 I was standing in my living room in my underwear and talking on the phone and assuring my friend Diane that I was on my way to her bridal shower … which starts at 2:00 and is at least 35 miles away. Despite the day’s hell-like obstacles I made it down to Vacaville by 2:45, and while being late would normally make me crackers, I was happy to get there at all. The shower was good fun. There were a few tears and plenty of laughter and a good time was had by all at the Perfect Blend Coffee House. We had the whole place to ourselves until a guy on a bike showed up around 3:30. Just at the moment he was entering the building, Diane was also swinging a thong in circles above her head and being egged by a circle of rowdy women. Needless to say, the guy on the bike got back on the bike and we never saw him again.

Fast forward to Saturday night where Diane, Stu and I sat at my house, swapping stories and singing all the words to all the songs from all the musicals that we know while “doing our roots” (well, Di doesn’t have roots but she was a great cheerleader) and drinking invisible Kool-aid. The three of us finally cashed it in around 3a.m. Slow going on Sunday morning, a few chores and the weekend was a wrap.

Back at work today a little worse for wear with the focus on finance-juggling once again with the next bite being the 1st of the month … du du du duuuuuh.

As I drove Chris to work
in the pre-dawn hours of Saturday
morning I saw a shooting star …
and wished on it.

A moral conundrum ?

Personally, I find the mysterious part of this story to be the paradox presented by India's moral code regarding wildlife. It allows the creation and cross breeding of wildlife and holding wildlife in captivity yet does not allow them to end an animal's life out of compassion and to compensate for an error for which they're wholly responsible anyway. I find this a bit repugnant >(

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm.

Asiatic-African Lions

Second from the left .... the new meaning of Guard Dog

See the dog
See the Reneguard uniform
See the guard dog
no?

As of this weekend I’m officially no longer a tree-hugging resident of Davis. I’ve moved to Sacramento (well barely, it’s actually the last possible Sacramento exit off the freeway before Elk Grove) but it’s bigger, better and brighter than the last place and everything there works. Yeah! The house is great, the neighborhood is intimidating by most folks standard … eh so what … and I’m happy we’re there. I had several watershed realizations over the course of the move this weekend. Attributing a proverb to each began accidentally enough and eventually became a kind of game so I thought I’d share.

“Everything happens for a reason” …
I don’t have a fancy refrigerator (more on that later) and so our ice cubes come from a plastic tray … like most normal people’s probably do. We had an enormous need for ice this weekend during the move and so I kept rushing ice cube production … meaning I was using them before they were ready. I’d fill the tray with cold water, stick it in the freezer and come back in a couple of hours and use whatever there was. After about 4 rotations of this I realized there was no rhyme or reason to which of the little cubes would freeze totally and which would not. I had filled the trays the exact same way each time and put them in the freezer in the exact same place and yet different cubes froze each time. The randomness of it made me liken ice cube production to vehicle accidents and tornadoes … you know what I mean, where the bus crash survivor whose seat partner and six other people in the vicinity were killed in the crash while they didn’t even get a scratch, or the poor schlock whose house trailer was swept away into the gulf by the tornado but his neighbor’s trailer is still intact and wagging it’s tongue at him. I can’t help but be continually surprised by life’s randomness, from water freezing to tornado touch downs, and wonder about its’ purpose.

“The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray” …
Last July, my son Chris, in a dedicated quest to make our commute life easier, got a job around the corner from our house in Davis AND signed up for all his college courses at the Davis extension campus this year. Now it’s September and we’re moving. I think you can fill in the rest. He is at the end of his rope and I’ve asked him to tie a knot and hang on until we get his car out of the shop.

“It never rains but it pours” …
Wishing Alanis Morisette was paying attention because she doesn’t REALLY get it, here’s something truly ironic. Long story short I needed to leave my refrigerator at the old house. I ran myself ragged for several days prior to the move looking for a refrigerator. I tried to buy one used but nothing I could afford was for sale. I couldn’t afford to buy one brand new right now and I finally settled on just renting one for now. Believe me, the guys working to organize peace between the Arabs and Israelis have nothing on me and my skill in organizing the rental and delivery of this refrigerator to the new house. Finally, last Friday, $30 poorer and 3 days older I had a refrigerator in place. Breathe a sigh of relief and case closed, right? Not so fast. As we’re moving Saturday my husband comes home from walking Teddy and tells me the apartment complex across the street has at least a dozen nice looking, working refrigerators sitting by the dumpster that they’re getting rid of because they’re remodeling some of their units. What? So we go over and pick up two (just in case) perfectly wonderful working refrigerators and take them to the new house. Now I just have to change the rotation of the earth on its’ axis and get the rented refrigerator picked up. The contract says you can return it anytime with no penalty but if that really happens … well let’s just say “surprised” wouldn’t begin to cover it. I can’t regret the $30 I spent already knowing there’s hundreds that I’ll save. The now “spare” fridge will most likely go in the newspaper and be sold to some other poor, crazy, stressed female looking to populate her kitchen with a fridge …. my chance to give something back, right?

“The best things in life aren’t things” …
You know when you get in those moods where you start reflecting on your life’s accomplishments and have those self-deprecating thoughts of “I should have more than I do blah, blah, blah”. Well when that happens next time ….. move … cause you have no appreciation for how much crap you really DO have until you move it. Every time I move it’s like trying to fit 10 gallons into a 5 gallon bucket. It’s an enigma. I’ve apparently accomplished a lot more than I give myself credit for … at least based on the magnificent number of cardboard boxes I can fill with my crap.

Ever diligently focused on eating the elephant one bite at a time, with the move finally over it’s time to turn my attention to finding the $1000 I need to get Chris’ car out of the shop.

Whee!

Happy Birthday to me .....

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeee
Happy Birthday to me

Time to take inventory, refresh, reuse or refuse ... whatever. Definitely the end of an era ... or the beginning of a new one ... TBD.

A whole new vista before me.

Whatever will I do with it this time?

DCA -- It's a Wrap

We made finals … and after our performance on Saturday night in the middle of “tropical depression” Ernesto I wasn’t confident we would. I was apparently the only one breathing a sigh of relief though when we did, no one else was apparently worried about making finals. At finals we finished 8th, getting knocked out of 7th by a 2.0 penalty for a sideline violation. I think Renegades should consider investing one of those electric fence and collar get ups used for dogs and placing it along the front side line. Sigh! I reconciled myself months ago to the fact that we weren’t going to place as well as we did last year. This is by no means a reflection on anyone’s commitment, work ethic, or ability – in my opinion, from a design standpoint, it just wasn’t as strong as our previous programs. A 7th place would have POSSIBLY taken some of the sting out of falling below last year’s placement for me but I don’t really think so. To me hyping on 7th place is equivalent to spraying a hot, steaming pile of shit with room freshener and declaring that it smells good. I believe we all did the very best we could with what we were given and the resources we had. I also believe that with all of the obstacles put in our path this season we did a remarkable job of overcoming them and getting to Rochester at all and in that sense, making finals is an enormous triumph. For many reasons, that’s how I’ll remember 2006 … as a triumph.

My friend Alton and I arrived in Buffalo on Wednesday afternoon about 4:00 after 13 hours of “real time” flight. The last leg of it in a tiny toy airplane that did not make me a happy camper. Since we slept most of the way we were pretty ready for action and met up with some fellow Reneguard members at Niagara Falls. We got there too late for the “Maid of the Mist” boat ride but we did do the “Cave of the Winds” tour … and had a blast … literally getting blasted by the falls … wow! The funniest part happened as we were ascending to the highest point of the walkway and I heard Alton behind me ask in the tiniest little voice “Jojo what are you doing?” because I‘d stopped just short of the top for traffic leaving him stuck on the stairs unable to look up into a deluge to see what was going on. The best part was we got to keep the tour sandals and plastic ponchos. For most of the remaining week Stu ran around Rochester looking like a giant toddler in plaid shorts and blue and green tour sandals … heh. Wednesday night we journeyed out to Aurora (which, arriving at night, I would swear is in the middle of the Blair Witch woods) to stay at our friend Andrea’s grandfather’s house. We all sat up and watched the Renegades trilogy and finally hit the sack around 1:30.

The next day after a nice stick-to-your-ribs breakfast at Andrea’s we headed out to Rochester and our respective hotels. Alton, Stu and I opted to stay with Chops Inc. this year – much cheaper and much less chaotic. Almost immediately after checking in we headed out to the mall in search of an I&E outfit for Alton but, being incredibly short on time, had to bag that in favor of getting to rehearsal on time. Arriving at rehearsal we were saddened by the news that Kathy wasn’t going to be able to join us after all because Derek had dislocated an elbow and broken his arm. Ouch! Poor little guy! And stunned to hear that our equipment truck hadn’t yet arrived – turns out you can’t talk snotty to Nebraska patrolmen or you go to jail – so we “air flagged” a couple of run-thrus and met at the Renegades hotel for a stretch-down before they let us go for the evening. After my brief, but torrid, melt-down at the last rehearsal I found this whole “the truck didn’t arrive” thing super humorous and, yeah-so-what-if-I’m-immature, satisfying! Later that evening the three of us headed to the local WalMart where not only does it feel like you’ve never left home but you know where everything is and Alton found something to wear for I&E. We bought some food and supplies as well and ate dinner in the hotel room that night where I happily consumed an entire container of Shedd’s microwaveable macaroni and cheese (for a family of four) before falling asleep.

Friday morning came way too quick and we were up and out and headed for rehearsal where the planets aligned, the truck showed up and I began to get the feeling that we were going to be okay. I can’t say exactly what it is that makes rehearsal at DCA so productive … it just is … maybe it’s because we leave the rest of the world behind? We had a pretty full day, covered a great deal, did a lot of cleaning and broke at 4:00 so we could all go to I&E and support those competing. With only 1.5 hours we were seriously pushed for time and in fact, Alton barely made it in time to compete. So Alton, Stu, Amy and the Reneguard all had good performances. I’ll go on record as stating there’s no way SoCal Dream should have beaten the Reneguard in either repertoire or excellence. I do think DCA is more traditional though and maybe we should keep that in mind when designing our programs. At any rate, they all did well and made us proud. Afterwards the three of us followed the Chops Inc. bus into the middle of nowhere to a party we’d been invited to … and had a great time. Good food, friendly people a giant bonfire and some of the bawdiest and funniest campfire songs I’ve ever heard and will never forget. Thanks Chops for a really fun time! Panda! Panda! You make a person want to come back and do it again ……

Saturday morning with the pressure of I&E off everyone’s mind it was time to have a serious rehearsal in preparation for prelims that night. Unfortunately Mother Nature had other ideas and made me incredibly grateful that I had my “Cave of the Winds” poncho with me. It rained off and on … and mostly on … throughout the day. Because of the rain the schedule kept changing and we were eventually let go around 1:30. We headed straight to Taco Bell and bed. We ate and napped and around 3:30 got a call from our caption head telling us we’d been delayed for another hour due to weather … so we napped some more finally leaving for prelims at 6:00. At this point the rain and wind were beyond ridiculous and as we drove through it to the stadium I couldn’t believe there wasn’t going to be another delay or even a cancellation. When we arrived we found the guard and we all huddled together like a litter of orphaned, mewing, kittens and watched a couple of corps on the overhead monitor. It was clear how rough it was on the field and I was dreading the moment when I would have to strip down to my thin polyester Burger King uniform and get out there myself. I made a mental note that the wind was blowing tosses forward, opposite of what we were used to at Treasure Island …shit. We hijacked a ladies restroom for a proper, but abbreviated, body warm up and some infusion of happy thoughts from Emily. Heading out to do an equipment warm up was a rude awakening and after some quick discussion among the staff it was decided the best approach was to just get out there and do it so we staged ourselves for a stand still run thru in the pelting rain and driving wind and just did it. It was exhilarating. Like a run thru in the shower. Every time someone dropped or fumbled it just made us push all the harder. Facing the rain full on and just going for it was a huge emotional release that replaced my fear and dread with the determination to just embrace the weather, do the best I could and have a good time in the process. The mood was light as we gathered our stuff and happy chatter ensued as we made the long trek around the stadium to the gate. When we arrived at the tented staging area, we briefly huddled together for warmth and greedily sucked down the peaches Emily passed around wishing each other luck with hugs and kisses. We watched the tail end of Minnesota Brass’ show and it was suddenly time to go. When we stepped out onto the turf I was elated to find it wasn’t as windy, wasn’t as cold and wasn’t as rainy as I thought it was – magic or perspective, I don’t know. It seemed like the equipment staging and warm up went by really fast and in no time at all Greg was counting us off and we were going. With the first notes of the show behind us I forgot about the rain, I forgot to worry about the wind and I just tried to knock one out of the ballpark. I remember how slick the rifle felt in my hand and how I struggled to keep a grip on it. I remember looking for yard lines just not there due to the storm, I remember watching the toss right after the air tours (aka the teacups) fly away from me and to my right. After I had the flag back in my hands I remember actually taking the mental time to marvel at the fact that I was back in the work in less than 8 counts and wondering how I did that – you never know where your mind will go in the middle of a performance – getting back on track I finished the highlighter flagwork somehow. Things were much easier after that with everything difficult behind me and I cruised through the remainder of the show with the exception of the small toss in the red flagwork which I opted to “stu” at the last second. No, it wasn’t a personal best but it was a victory none the less. As we were exiting the field they announced Minnesota’s score as 92-something and I remember gasping and thinking how high that was and how impossible it seemed to compete with that. It wasn’t until much later in the evening that I heard we got a 90 and 7th place. That night Alton and I went to Denny’s where if they would have had a whole horse on the menu I would have ordered it – I was starving! I settled for a T-bone steak and potatoes. When they first brought the plate I remember thinking I was going to need a box … uh no … I ate it all and then had desert … and slept straight through to the wake up call the next morning.

Sunday arrived and the first thing I did was open the curtains and look outside … and was hugely relieved to see that although the sky was dark and menacing, the ground was nearly dry. Having once again not brought enough warm clothes to DCA (you’d think I’d get it right the fifth time wouldn’t you) I donned my still damp rehearsal clothes from the previous day and off we went. Rehearsal Sunday was a bit better with much less rain and even some sporadic and welcome sunshine! Knowing it was now or never made for an interesting rehearsal. The level of cooperation, the consideration of one another, the politeness, the camaraderie, the commitment – things that had been lacking all season -- were suddenly well in evidence. I walked away from that rehearsal confident that we were the best we could be as a group. Alton, Stu and I went to Boston Market and carbed up before getting dressed to go to the show. The schedule was much the same as the previous day. We met in the same place and the entire corps went across the street to a park to warm up. Our final stand still run thru went well and suddenly I heard Emily tell us to gather up our stuff and we were headed for the gate. Same tent but this time we watched Hurricanes performance before taking the field. No excuses tonight. The weather was positively balmy compared to Saturday and opportunity was hanging in the air. Alton and I exchanged a warm hug just before setting that gave me a huge lump in my throat for most of the orange opener. Something bad happened musically towards the end of the orange flagwork and the tempo was lost to a few of us throwing us off for a few counts at the very end but pulling back together just in time for the transition to rifle. Everything went pretty smoothly except for my closing quad which I barely got my hands on and the mysterious loss of a yard line in the highlighter flagwork … sorry arc! For once, I didn’t get tangled in the damn double flagwork and the rest of the show was a pretty easy ride. I remembered to have a good time; in fact I had a hard time not smiling throughout. Then as Greg called the mark time I realized the 2006 season was over … and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I mentally check marked the exact moment I crossed the end zone and stopped being a 2006 Renegade. This is important because since joining in 2002 I’ve never thought of myself as not being a Renegade. This was a first for me. A kind of letting go??? Leaving the field we went directly to the risers to have our corps picture taken and then I was done. Skipping the guard picture, I gathered my personal belongings, gave Emily a hug and a huge thanks and said goodbye to friends. I chose to spend the remainder of the show in the stands with my friends Stu and Alton. Skipping retreat and foregoing the mud pit concert we left the stadium directly after Bucs performance and went to dinner knowing that scores and placements would be there when we were ready to know them …. at that moment it was more important to be a threesome for the last time for a long while.

Good Bye Real World ...

Today is the last day of real life until September 5th. At midnight tonight I check out of the real world and board a plane bound for DCA and what I hope will be the best drum corps week of my life. History tells me that there’s no better place to achieve performance focus like tour where you can shut out all of your real life, adult concerns and concentrate on being the best you can be at the thing you love. No lie, this year Renegades has been a difficult physical and mental challenge for me unlike any other. I’ve worked really hard to get my chops up, keep my body from shutting down and keep my attitude in check. A lot of self-talk has been involved in making it this far. I did a pretty fair job of bringing it all together until this past Sunday when I had a brief but serious melt down. Reflecting on it now though, I wouldn’t take a moment of it back. I had to work this season to keep the faith … and admittedly I was not always 100% successful … to persevere through what virtually everyone has predicted would be a disastrous season for the Renegades … even some of the alums. I was happy to see so many of them at our Family Day show last Saturday … and I was happy to hear them eat their words. This is going to be the season that everyone wishes they had marched because this season is a Renegades legend in the making.

We’re taking a show back east that barely resembles the show we performed in Season 1.0 and it’s pretty much guaranteed to not only make finals but possibly place as high as 6th depending on the performance we actually pull out of the bag this Sunday. Those of us who have hung in there this season, through members quitting, staff quitting, a friend being cut, a 1-man snare line, questionable show design and choreography and overall high drama, have an awful lot to be proud of.

I’ve developed a large amount of respect for Emily Mavroudis through the course of the season. When everyone else stopped believing, she held us together and brought some sanity to a situation she was totally unprepared for and dealt with it like a true pro. Sincere and heartfelt thanks Em. Without your dedication and tenacity, we wouldn’t be here. Em is very Santa Clara … as an old-school SCV biatch that’s the highest compliment I can give.

Kathy is back and a collective and audible sigh of relief was heard round the guard field when she emerged from her van gok in hand. In about two hours it was clear that we were going to be okay.

So as I pack my sunscreen, bug spray and sockbun, I also pack my expectation to go to Paetec Park and surprise the hell out of everyone. Whether we’re first or last, the reality is we’ve already won … we made it there.

My DCA Predictions ...

My personal DCA predictions .... assuming 06 goes like 02, 03, 04 and 05 .... someone will oversleep or mess up with security and miss their flight but still magically make it to the first Rachacha rehearsal .... someone's horncase will emerge from the baggage chute open and in tatters .... someone's suitcase will not emerge from the baggage chute at all until the day of finals .... many exhausted someones will nap in the hotel lobby while we wait 85 hours for check in time ....
many someones will miss the bus to rehearsal and the excuses will be pulitzer prize worthy .... "gel" will happen within the first two rehearsals and many personal bests will be achieved .... the "really nice" hotel we stay in will smell like old gym socks and stale beer by the second day .... Rachacha's atmosphere will be comprised primarily of sunscreen and bug spray for several days after we've left .... new friends will be made and old acquaintances renewed .... enough beer to fill a swimming pool will be consumed .... strippers will be in evidence at least once .... we will meet local law enforcement and told to 1) move the party or 2) shut down the party .... I will see something I never thought I'd see -- and still be surprised by that after all these years as a Renegade .... we will have a great time .... we will kick some azz .... we will reminesce and laugh about DCA 06 for years to come.

XOXO

God deserves a little dose of karma too ...

I was an only child for my first ten years and kind of bossy (gee, imagine that) and so I played alone a lot and, before you start feeling sorry for me, that’s exactly how I liked it. The summer before kindergarten I was four and my mother built a play kitchen for me in our backyard out of GIGANTIC cardboard boxes (well they were gigantic to me but were really just big toilet paper boxes). She made me a fridge and a stove and a sink made from a big plastic bowl shoved into a cutout in one of the cardboard boxes. She used to stock my “cupboards” with “food” by opening her food containers, you know cans and boxes and such, upside down so that when they were in my cupboard they’d still look closed – like new groceries. I played house endlessly that summer in that little kitchen. In fact, I think I “cooked” in that kitchen more than in any other since. The downside of my little kitchen and its containers that summer was that it occasionally attracted ants – especially on the really hot days. Long, fat streams of ants. The ants intrigued me. I used to follow their trail to see where they were going, try to figure out which ones were the daddy ants, the mommy ants and the baby ants (imagine my disappointment later when I found out there was no such thing but I digress). I would randomly squish one or two, or six, along the trail, or put food or some other obstacle in their way, or pour Kool-Aid on them … just to watch the chaos that would ensue. I think I even tried eating one once and I clearly remember serving a few to my dolls, placing my microscopic victims on my tiny plastic dinnerware and cutting them in half with a tiny plastic knife …well, admittedly that was a little over the top but anyway ... I think me and the ants might be analogous to God and us. Seriously. God has been messing around with me and the people around me on my trail for the last two years and random chaos has indeed ensued! I think it’s time for God to shift his focus and move on down the trail – or get called into the house by his Dad to take a bath – cuz that always saved the ants from me.

At the end of that summer, clothed in Bermuda shorts and tap shoes (and I don’t remember why) my 4-year old brain decided it would be a good idea to jump off the top of my swing set – as if that wasn't stupid enough – I jumped while my tongue was sticking out (you know in concentration) and when I landed my teeth gnashed together sharply, uppers and lowers nearly meeting and came seriously close to severing the tip of my tongue completely off, cutting nerves and turning me into an amazing bloody sprinkler. Who knew baby teeth could do that much damage? It required several stitches, a lot of undignified kicking and screaming while being strapped to a gurney (which I'll never forget made me and my mom hysterical) and finally resulting in a Cindy-Brady-like lisp that took years of speech therapy to control but never cure. Anyway, I’ve always thought of that as my payback for messing with the ants. What do you suppose karma has in store for God considering the huge amount of random chaos he initiates with his ants????

I'd buy tickets to see that.

Important side note -- during the car ride home I fiddled with the new stitches so much, moving my tongue around my teeth, that the lead stitch came untied and the whole thing unraveled and I had to go right back to the emergency room and get it done all over again. Yeah. Again.

It's true what they say about karma being a bitch.

Holy Petroleum By-Products Batman!?!?!

Why do women still wear Avon fragrances? I keep smelling them everywhere the last week or so. Is Avon having a sale? If you’re going to smell like cheap perfume, then just buy cheap perfume. Avon is not cheap, it only smells cheap. Maybe it’s not Avon at all…..maybe I have a brain tumor.

The new season of Dancing With The Stars is starting soon. On the list of contestants there’s about four people whose names I recognize. Consequently I don’t feel compelled to keep up with it this season EXCEPT that one of them is (in the category of WTF) Emmitt Smith. I know, I know, Jerry Rice did it too BUT as a receiver Jerry had the body style and the natural grace to pull it off – Emmitt, on the other hand, is built like a fire hydrant. Pairs should be interesting.

Speaking of “on the other hand” I was channel grazing last night at 10:00 pm just before getting ready for bed and I ran into the opening credits of “Fiddler On The Roof”. I knew I should go to bed but I love that movie and so, like a 6-year old kid, I bargained with myself and promised that I would watch it ONLY up through the bottle dance but, of course, ended up watching the whole thing and going to bed at like 1:00! Oy Vey!

Going back to TV dancing … it looks like the chick I picked on the first episode of “So You Think You Can Dance” this season (I think her name is Heidi) is gonna’ be the last chick on the show. I’m not saying she’ll necessarily win (in fact, I think the leprechaun guy may beat her) but she’s the best of the girls and has been all season. My only issue with her is that sometimes her ballroom style makes me just shudder. In some of the pieces she’s done it would have been nice to NOT be able to tell that’s where she got the bulk of her training.

On the real world front I’m paying for my ultra-relaxing weekend in spades with this work week. Who invented the concept of having to take the bad with the good anyway? Why can’t it just all be good? I’m having to work very hard to keep my weekend glow until at least Wednesday.

I relished the entire weekend off. Really I had the odd feeling of “oh, so this is what I’ve been missing”. We shopped, we slept in, we went to the movies, and we lounged like lizards. Maybe it’s just because we’re near the end of what has proved to be a really hard season but I’m feeling ready to hang up the guard gloves … maybe just until Open House, maybe permanently. There’s an awful lot to be said for sleeping in. Working full time and marching is like working 7 days a week for several weeks at a time. Even worse, cuz it takes such a toll physically and emotionally. I love it, but everyone has to retire some time. I know, I know, I say that every year but …. Well, we’ll see.

I just had an epiphany! I’ll bet somewhere here in the office is selling Avon!


:o

Manatee porn and planning accordingly ...

If you knew what day you were going to die would you live your life differently than you do now? I think so.

Personally I’d like to know. Maybe not a specific date but a date … I dunno’ …. within a 30-day window maybe. Like a random date of say March 2040. I’d be 83 then and that would be okay cause that’s a pretty long life but it might mean that I’d die counting the holes in the acoustical tiles above my hospital bed which doesn’t sound so good. I’m not sure I want to get all that old.

On the other hand if the date were October 2006 then I’d be 49 and I’d have to bust my butt to squeeze a bunch of stuff in before I go. Like find a way to Europe real soon – (because I refuse to die without having been to Paris). If you knew how much time you had would you waste any of it? I don’t think so. I mean, the clock is ticking all the time but I don’t think we hear it until we’re at least middle aged and then … well, I think it just gets louder until the end when I bet it just hums quietly.

I’m okay with not knowing HOW I’m going to die – mostly because I think I’d act like a paranoid freak trying to avoid that thing, whatever it is – but I think it’s unfair that we don’t know WHEN. It’s akin to having a payment due on something major – like a big subzero refrigerator -- but not knowing the exact due date and then when you miss it someone suddenly just comes along and repossesses your fridge. End of story. No more ice cubes.

I mean is wanting to know when you’re going to die all that different from wanting to know the sex of your unborn child? I don’t think so.

So I’ve decided to randomly pick June of 2027 and plan accordingly.

It's all about the Fuzzy Bunnies ...

Renegades rehearsal this past weekend wasn’t what I’d hoped for … well, let me rephrase that … I didn’t accomplish what I wanted to do … I’ve hit a plateau and still find myself frustrated in my attempts to OWN this show. Damn it. Nailing the rifle book in the opener is still proving difficult. The vocabulary contains some long phrases with absolutely no breath choreographed in and so one minor error can quickly result in the loss of 8-16 counts. Very frustrating! At this point I think I’ve psyched myself out for I’ve temporarily lost my quad as well as my five. Shit! My frustrations mounted greatly when on Saturday afternoon the Toccata drill wasn’t ready for the guard. ACK! Sunday was a new day but was no better for me. It didn’t help that I was feeling kinda’ punk. Just tired and plain worn out. I was ready for it to be over even before lunch … and that’s not good. So we have this weekend off and frankly I need the rest. I’ll spend some time recuperating, some time being my regular ME, some time with my rifle, some time doing tosses, and some time getting control of my focus and getting ready to go hard at it again … at the dreaded Mars. Ewww Mars. It’s a real test of human endurance … but if you can do it there, you can do it anywhere. I need to focus on the “fuzzy bunnies” and my happy fairy dust thoughts to ensure that I don’t just fall out of the sky!

In the category of good news …

Alert the media, the Holy Grail has been recovered … Chris has a job! An actual J O B and he’s really happy about it. It has eliminated the little black rain cloud that’s been following him around this entire summer. Woot!

I’m rethinking my mid-town move and looking at condos across the street from my job and saying hmmmmmm. Very nice. Very gated. Very right up my alley. Very much looking forward to a walk-thru of the models sometime today (I hope).

I came home from rehearsal the other day to find that my hubby had found me a new-to-me-dryer. I’m thrilled!!!! And this pushes him straight to the top of the man scale in my book. He was driving … and you know what they say about one person’s trash being another person’s treasure … and he sees this guy pushing a dryer. Bing! And, just like me, it’s a little worse for wear but still works great. Thanks B for restoring sanity to my laundry life. Big Ups for understanding that for me contentment can be found in having a clean house, clean laundry and a full refrigerator (and having a couple of extra dollars in my jeans pocket).

Kevin is liking his new job at Ace. I need to find the time to go in there and be an annoying customer just for fun. Come to think of it, I actually need a new deadbolt.

Our dog Teddy has returned from another of his unscheduled vacations randomly cruising the neighborhood. He been gone about two weeks (the longest he’s ever been gone). He returned late last night freshly bathed and brushed with his toenails clipped. Hmmmmmm … someone is going to miss him but it won’t be US. Like a wayward husband, Teddy always finds his way home.

In the category of not-so-good news …

JD is flying home today. About a week earlier than expected. This cancels our plans for weekend fun with him. Sigh. I guess in retrospect I should have taken a day off from rehearsals while he was here. Hind sight is 20-20. I love drum corps but sometimes I think it tweaks our perspective more than a little.

Oy Vey!

Sometimes life is like a tornado and it tosses you around in different directions bumping your head on flying objects. Sheesh!

.

A Note to the Brethren ...

In less than a month the 2006 Renegades will cease to exist.

We’re at that point in the season where I start feeling nostalgic about Renegades. The absence of Renegades not with us this season is more deeply felt and the camaraderie with those on the field is more pronounced. Once again we’re close to that place where all the hard work and struggle finally results in greatness … and suddenly it’s over … POOF … and me and all my cohorts in crime, this rag-tag mix of lunatics called Renegades that I’ve come to think of once again as family, will never do this show again. Ever. Period. Come September 4th, we'll board airplanes and go our separate ways into our individual futures. To me that’s a sad realization that, without fail, hits me the hardest as we’re entering the field at finals.

When I talk about these feelings to other Renegades the litany I most often hear is “there’s always next year”. Personally I’m dumbfounded that people have such confidence in that. To me Renegades is a wonder every year -- a lucky happenstance where planets align and magic happens – a unique recipe of talent, personalities, creativity and opportunity that has, thus far, managed to materialize each year despite incredible odds and seemingly insurmountable obstacles. Each of my five seasons has had it's own identity and no two have been the same experience. I realize Renegades isn’t a permanent fixture on the landscape. It might not be here in 2 years when I'm finally in shape, or can afford it, or my spouse says its okay, or whatever and I know that realization makes me live more in the moment, give more to the moment and enjoy and appreciate Renegades as the fleeting and unique experience that I believe it really is. I’m sad to see each season come to a close because, truly, none of us knows if it will be our last.

This weekend we’ll be balls to the walls again at Treasure Island. After watching last Sunday’s run through I’m looking forward to this weekend. I feel a “gel” coming on. I’ve been elated, disappointed, excited, frustrated, happy and thoroughly pissed off and ready to go home and never come back at various points throughout the season …... sometimes all on the same day ……. and for all that I love this corps. I’m feeling as physically and mentally prepared as I can be and ready to surprise myself with what I, and the rest of this band of loonies, can accomplish.

We will never pass this way again.

See you "in the moment"

Real Life Struggles On

There’s not much time for a real life right now but real life struggles to go on anyway. I’ve been pretty busy at work and it’s been hard to focus on my paying gig while recovering from or preparing for Renegades. It’s like being two different people. Actually wouldn’t it be great if you could randomly choose to be two different people and send your other self to work while you do what you want.

I’m here to report that camp was good. Saturday was nippy, overcast and a little windy and that’s only because I wore shorts. Sunday it got pretty hot and that’s only because I wore long pants. The sun got sneaky and while I wasn’t paying attention it got hot enough out there to sunburn me – again – and I’m just going to have deal with the fact that my facial skin is going to have the elasticity of a wallet by the end of the season. I knew I was sunburned so on Monday at work I took this little hotel-sample bottle of “moisturizer” out of my purse and started using it on my nose, chin and cheekbones. This morning I noticed it’s not moisturizer at all --- it’s shampoo. Mr. Magoo rides again! My nose, chin and cheek bones are all peeling now. Good Grief!

We accomplished a lot this weekend. We successfully integrated a couple of new guard people, rewrote most of the drill for the rifle line in the opener, added new drill and flag work to the significantly beefed up show ending – which I think totally ROCKS by the way. I was holding up great until late Sunday afternoon when my left foot found the huge crack that is the 50 yard line between the back side line and center X. Damn, damn, damn! The upside was that I got to watch the final run through from the front side line. I will say this for the guard – HOLY SHIT! Seriously I was stunned by most of what I saw – especially the dreaded blue flag work. You folks on side two near the back side line totally rock that part. I kept looking out there and thinking “who are these people”. You look amazing. I’m looking forward to what happens when we pull the rest of it together. I have to say several weeks ago I briefly lost all of my happy fairy-dust thoughts and was rapidly plummeting towards earth in regards to how I thought we were doing. I officially take it all back! The colorguard can knock this one right out of the ball park. Getting through this weekend pretty much worked me to my last nerve but it’s all good stuff and, leaving on Sunday, I felt a real sense of accomplishment as well as a sense of relief. Whew! Rochester here we come. As I told Greg Gilman on Sunday – I’m gonna’ make this show my bitch if it kills me!

MBoB traffic has been pretty fast, heavy and intense of late. In fact earlier this week my fingers got so tangled up that … well … the MBoBs are now 4. Actually if we’d have put it to a vote to add a new member I think we’d have chosen the same person fate chose anyway so it’s all good.

My son JD is out from Texas this summer and is staying with us off and on. I’m pretty tied up this weekend with rehearsals but am hoping to make time for some good summer fun for him the following weekend when Renegades break for DCI. There’s plenty to do and see in the immediate are so I’ll put my thinking cap on and come up with something creatively entertaining. After THAT weekend the total focus will be Rochester. It’s just that time of year.

The remainder of this week promises to be hectic. I have more commitments this one week then I usually have in 6. Today I went to lunch with Stubert and had the best of times eating pizza and ice cream. My friend Di just called and we’re going to go to dinner tonight. I have a business trip tomorrow and it looks like I’ll be helping Mistress Kelli learn the blue flag work tomorrow night after I land in Sac and will then meet Stu at my house where I will bleach his hair. The following evening I’ll pick up that sexy beast Alton at the airport so we can start the Renegades rehearsal festivities all over again on Saturday morning.

Note to self … must buy sunscreen.

Submerging into stealth mode ...

Last weekend was Renegades “end of Season 1.0 break”. We’re returning to the trenches this weekend with all day rehearsals at Treasure Island both Saturday and Sunday. I’m gearing up for it by doing all my normal weekend cleaning and shopping chores tonight … and stocking up on Gatorade. I like coming home to my own tub and my own bed after rehearsals but sometimes I’m just too tired to make the trip so I’m packing just in case I change my mind about staying down there Saturday night. Thankfully the temps have dropped and since we’ll be on the bay it should be pretty cool so I’m preparing for all weather eventualities. Sigh. And, ok, looking forward to getting back to the grind that is Renegades August stealth mode. We always emerge from stealth mode bigger, better and stronger and ready to kick ass – this year in Rochester – hopefully we’ll get a few minutes to see Niagara Falls while we’re there (see photo).

Sidebar: Last time I was with a corps that performed in Rochester the audience threw concession food at us – obviously, I’ve never forgiven Rochester for that. I know how to hold a grudge I guess. We’ll see this year if they’ve developed any manners since the early 70’s. Otherwise it’s ON.

The random chaos factor promises to be high at camp this weekend:
a) we may, or may not, have a new guard member or three
b) we are learning new drill (there is NO new drill $1 to Stu and Pookie)
c) Lee Rudnicki will be joining us on the field
d) for those in the know, this MBoB will be flying solo but also flying her colors.

Consider yourself warned.

On the home front, the youngest has snagged a new job as the Ace hardware man. He’s starting today and he’s excited so I’m excited. The great thing about it is he can walk to work. Full benefits = good stuff. The oldest is getting ready to start yet another semester of college and still looking for that elusive job that will fit his student schedule. It’s tantamount to finding the Holy Grail apparently. He’s chomping at the bit to get back to school. I think summer vacation with no job (hence no money)= awfully boring. So chomp away kiddo!

My good friend and fellow MBoB, Stubert, has confirmed his plans to complete the drum corps season with Chops Inc. This rates an “excellent” on the good things scale. He’s attempting what is in my mind, the unthinkable, learning an entire show in two weekends and performing it successfully at DCA. If anyone can do it Stu can for he has tenacity coupled with some mighty chops. If things go well there he may elect to do it again next year despite the distance ... and might have some California company in doing so.

I finally made it down to Vacaville to get fitted for a bridesmaid dress so I can participate in the wedding of my very good friend Di. She and her beau Ross are tying the knot in October and I’m looking forward to celebrating their union with them. Di is one of the nicest and most thoughtful people on this planet … period … and she deserves life’s every happiness.

All other aspects of life are moving along according to the norm if not the plan.

All is relatively right with the world :)

Under the heading "Stuff that ONLY goes wrong when you're ALREADY counting your pennies"

My dryer quietly took its last breathe sometime in the wee hours of the morning and life will never be the same ..... double-dog-damn-it!!!!

Hotter than a Pepper Sprout ...

The last week or so has been miserably hot. Cook breakfast on the sidewalk kind of hot. Still hot at 4 a.m. hot. Tropical hot. I usually like tropical hot – but only when I’m actually someplace tropical where I can dig my toes in the sand from a beach chair and watch a cute cabana boy bring me pina coladas one after the other. Due to the intense heat I find myself constantly indoors and doing the bare minimum of everything. So laundry is piling up, rugs need vacuuming and bathrooms need scrubbing and I just find it hard to care about all that in the blazing inferno I fondly call home. Tomorrow’s temps are supposed to drop into the mid-90’s. Ahhhh. The power company has been urging us to conserve and so my thermostat at home is set to 80. Apparently only residential customers need concern themselves with conservation though -- I have a heater on under my desk to counteract the arctic blast that passes for air conditioning here in the office. Gotta’ love life’s little ironies or they’ll make you nuts. Too bad I can’t stick some of the air conditioning here in my purse to take home with me later like I would a box of paper clips.

Money is most on my mind frequently these days. I notice that I and most everyone I know seems to be living pretty much check to check. I can’t help but wonder what’s happening to the economy? I know I had more money to spend when I made less money and that just seems …. I dunno’….. ludicrous. I know I have to work harder than ever to live within my means and yet maintain an acceptable quality of life. I’ve had to learn to pinch a nickel until the buffalo farts – a skill I wish I’d always had. I guess it’s true what they say about the middle class disappearing. Everyone I know is either broke or not broke – not much in between – with the possible exception of those who are living on credit and have overextended themselves. They are the only remaining middle class as I see it and they are, at best, a poor imitation of affluence. The economic equivalent of smoke and mirrors. Living overextended would be comparable to being near the end of a Monopoly game having all of your properties mortgaged and praying you don’t land on that hotel on Atlantic. Wake up folks! Here comes Park Place! I worry about money because I worry about retirement and I’m afraid Elvis may have already left the building. Sigh. Cat food probably doesn’t taste much different than canned tuna anyway and I can always keep my fingers crossed for an unforeseen early death and a good looking corpse right? Actually if I could just get killed in an airline crash while traveling for work ….. oh never mind.

I’m still on my mission to relocate to mid-town and have been browsing the newspaper and the internet. As September gets closer I get more excited about the possibilities. I’m really looking forward to some new scenery. In the meantime, I’m trying to keep my summer focus and am working hard on developing some serious enthusiasm for this weekend’s upcoming rehearsal which promises to be an Africa-hot-ass-kicker. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. I’m trying to use the Season 1.0 break to recharge my batteries but this heat is making that nearly impossible Breaks are always welcome but they’re definitely a slippery slope …….. especially in Africa.

My Own Private Hell ... in 24 hours

Some say hell is a different experience for everyone. Some even conjecture that hell is a place each individual makes for themselves. I don’t what the truth is but I know that I visited my own private little piece of hell last night selling paper at a fundraiser bingo. I think I repented my entire existence between the hours of 8:00 and 8:45 last night as I lamely circled the players in a weak attempt to sell additional games. It was like something out of a Stephen King book the way the room got smaller each time I circled it. By the fourth rotation people were giggling at me. By the sixth it wasn’t so humorous to them anymore and somewhere around the ninth or tenth I became downright annoying. So I opted to start parking myself for a few minutes in between rotations alas to no avail. At 8:45, having pissed off nearly everyone, including myself, I cashed out having sold a grand total of 4 games and took my tired butt home. At the end of last evening I was told that Wednesday nights are always slow and that tonight and the weekend will be a lot better. Oh God, please let that be true because I’ve sentenced myself to doing it again tonight and both weekend days.

I spent lunchtime alone (because seriously I would not wish me on my worst enemy today) and I went to Jack in the Box (because I no longer trust Carl’s Jr to give me the food I ordered). I know everyone bags on Jack but he has SUPER salads and ciabatta sandwiches. Afterwards I went next door to fuel up. It’s hot today but while I was pumping the gas I was kind of taking the time to absorb some lunchtime “atmosphere” – ya’ know, grab some calming influence -- appreciate the warmth of the sun, the colors of the flowers, the leaves of the trees when in pulls a behemoth SUV the size of a 747 bumping rap music loud enough to break the sound barrier. It’s not the music I object to. I like rap. It’s the arrogance of the individual playing the music that bugs me. Yo partner, I appreciate you spend a lot of scrilla every month on your ride and that your rims cost you a grip and yet you could still afford to bounce up in Tower Records and buy a CD but HEY! I’m appreciating flowers here and I don’t need E40 as a soundtrack for that. Who died and made YOU the world’s DJ.

And the best part is that I’m doing Bingo again tonight.

I’m sure glad tomorrow is Friday.

Playing Catch Up

The week between the LA swing and last weekend was a whirlwind without time for even a breath. Between the regular 9-5 gig, working bingos to pay off tour fees and family responsibilities there was no time to recuperate before the Sacramento and Sunnyvale shows.

River City Regiment hosted the Friday night show and so senior corps were slated to go on last for a change … Whee! It was fabulous to perform under the lights! The show went okay. Not too surprising considering that, as working adults, Fridays are hard for us. Most of us didn’t arrive at the show site until 7pm leaving absolutely no rehearsal time and barely enough time for even a productive warm up before we headed for the field. My family came to the show to watch and that gave me an extra adrenalin shot and I had a good time in the performance.

The Sunnyvale show on Sunday was California State Championships and was hosted by the Vanguard Cadets. We were back at the mercy of DCI’s perspective and lack of understanding that working adults who already have seriously reduced rehearsal schedules should probably be given the opportunity to have a serious rehearsal block on a Sunday afternoon and not be required to go on FIRST … a broken record. After a 4-hour rehearsal block from 10-2 we went out there and hit our first home run of the season. It was clear at the first applause break that we had the audience with us and I think that boost made the difference. It was the first show this season where things sort of locked into place and it felt really good. It was a personal best for me as well as the corps. Now I feel ready for August’s stealth mode and DCA prep.

On the non-drum corps home front some of the family has just returned from a long drive to Arkansas and back for a family reunion over the 4th of July weekend. Everyone is home safe now. 2 of the 3 adults in our house are looking for jobs. I still need my own car. It’s tough right now just keeping the utilities on …. In the face of all of this I find myself wondering repeatedly how I can justify spending money trying to go to Rochester ????????

LA Highlights

Having sufficiently recovered enough from the LA swing to jot down a few weekend highlights …

The weekend started for me on Friday at 9:00 when I headed down highway 5 to LA. Made just two quick stops and ended up hitting the LA border about 2:30 only to sit in traffic between there and Torrance for two hours. Ugh! Found the LMS LA site about 4:30 and the first corner I turned ran straight into the Kingmen’s drumline rehearsal … had to watch that for about 15 minutes before checking in at 5:00. After that things happened pretty fast. The show started at 7:00. My job was “backstage runner 2” which meant me and my good friend Al were responsible for getting the acts to the stage on time. We lost the “Lost Disciples” and had a moment or two of panic before finding them on the opposite side of the stage from where they were supposed to be. All worked out in the end. I was up close and personal when Kingsmen took the stage. They were everything I hoped they would be. Dream sounded great and did a good job of blowing everyone’s hair back. Last on was Renegades and, as usual, loud was good. It all went by so fast. I met many DCPers and it was great to put faces with screen names. Afterwards a band of us headed to the local watering hole. I had dinner with Mac and Joellen Mccentire, fellow Gades Al and Christine and guest star Cozy Baker … what a kick Cozy is and what great stories he has. Ask him about the American Flag sometime and watch what happens. Opting to not annihilate myself before what I knew was going to be an intense Saturday rehearsal, I checked out of the party early and went back to the hotel and tucked myself in.

Saturday’s performance was a loooong drive away so Saturday’s rehearsal block was super short and fast paced. A handful of us wore “I heart Emily” shirts to show support for our girl Em who is standing by us through some very tough times and we love her for it. The rehearsal was chock full of new work that, in the end, the staff intelligently decided NOT to include in Saturday’s performance – whew, good to let go of THAT stress. Although it was full of bugs, glitches and tempo issues, it turned out to be a high energy performance and by all accounts went pretty well. I think the best of any we’ve done to date. Stayed and watched most of the remaining show with friends Alton and Nancy-Boy Pookie Bill (we also heart Bill). I really liked Academy … although the skirts are a bit overused… maybe. Good show clearly within the grasp of the members to really knock this one out of the park at finals. Also watched the somewhat controversial Jester. From the outside looking in I say let the kids take the field in competition. In this day and age of disappearing corps I applaud their efforts.

Saturday night found Alton, Andy and myself headed back to Torrance and searching for a Taco Bell we'd seen earlier in the day. En route we found an SUV that attempted to make a liquor store into a drive through establishment with poor results. We actually made 3 u-turns in an attempt for Alton to get a picture of that only to finally have the tow truck pull the vehicle out of the liquor store entrance at the exact moment we'd manuveured into position for the picture. Ah well. Another lost opportunity. Finally finding the Taco Bell we got our stuff and headed back to the hotel room where we discovered we had all the wrong food, I'd eaten Andy's burrito, one of us had over-indulged in recreational items and it was quite simply time for sleep.

Sunday morning I lost my car. I really did. I exited the hotel, walked to where I parked it the night before and was stunned when I didn't see it there. I remembered parking it in front of a hedge row there the night before. WTF? Was it stolen, towed, what? For a solid five minutes I paced the parking lot, Alton beside me, trying to figure out what happened and running a million scenarios through my head. I pressed the "panic" button on my keys .... nothing. Thank God Alton was there because he kept me from truly freaking out. I looked back at the hotel and started running through the events of the previous evening. It was the point at which I remembered giving Joellen a lift back to the hotel that I remembered we had entered through the main entrance ... and then realized I was now standing in the back parking lot of the hotel. Doh! A quick trip to the other side, a press of the panic button and ...... honk, honk, honk ... there it was! Another crisis averted.

Sunday’s rehearsal block was identical to Saturday’s but far more productive in terms of getting the new stuff to work in the drill. So it was included in Sunday’s performance and I think the increase in our numbers and the righting of the pecking order is evidence of that working out really well. Hung out in the parking lot with my bud Alton and some fellow Gades afterwards drinking and yakking for awhile then watched a little bit of Anaheim’s warm up before going back inside to watch the rest of Sunday’s show. All pretty similar to Saturday’s but with the addition of Anaheim’s Alumni corps. It was great to hear Folksong Suite on the field again and see a colorguard that understands uniform great technique and snap. I’m looking forward to their performance next year at DCI. Finally hooked up with my friend Andy and headed out to the valley to stay at his family’s house and delay the long drive back to Sac until Monday morning.

All in all a really good drum corps weekend. I saw friends I hadn’t seen in a long while … Mike Braga (Tansea), who I hadn’t seen in 32 years, came and gave me a big hug :)... also saw friends and fellow SCV alums Maureen and Chris and watched them perform as part of Anaheim’s alum. Met Ron Housley (DCP’s ffernbus) for the first time along with numerous other DCPers. Really impressed with Ms. Julian who wrapped her mind around this show in few brief weekends and looks like she’s been doing it forever. Go Sara! I got sunburned, got a little tipsy, worked really hard and finally had a decent personal best of this really difficult Renegades show. Hooray for me!

Back to the grind as of yesterday but with another show on the horizon this Friday. No time to let down now, right?

Love You Stubert

Occasionally our commitment to someone or something important in our life is severely tested. These occasions are always stressful. They are forks in the road, water shed moments, life changing events, take your pick. Without fail they send you down a road of self-discovery, bring to light exactly what you're made of spiritually, emotionally and morally and rigorously test your belief system ... not the beliefs you profess to your friends that you have ... but the real ones you use in your day-to-day decisions. It also tests your beliefs about the people you surround yourself with ... friends, associates, acquaintances. Sometimes what you find out on these jaunts is heartbreakingly disappointing. Sometime it's a kick-in-the-pants pleasure.

Update: 7/7/06
Some dearly held relationships and people in my life were recently put to the test. At first it seemed all would be well and I wrote what's above. At that time I was proud of how we all withstood something which I felt would surely tear us apart. But the final result, while it didn't ultimately tear us apart did result in the loss of three key and well-loved people and many hard feelings. Nearly two weeks later now we have put the most painful parts of it behind us. While many have come through with shining colors there were two who ... well didn't fare so well ... although their loss is serious, they are not the people I thought they were. I can't help but be disappointed in them both and wonder if we're not better off without them. Worse still they brought on the loss of a third ... a victim really whose talents, humor and dry wit will be sorely missed ... whose dedication to our cause and love for our craft are undeniable and beyond question ... the loss of Stu as a Reneguard member is very sad indeed. Almost miraculously he has found a home this season with Empire and I'm very happy for him. I hope it's everything he wants it to be and more. Good luck Stubert! You have my love, my best wishes and support and always my friendship. Renegades won't be the same without you.

XOXOXOXOXO

Deep Breath and ..... exhale

So I saw this article on the net and was struck by the definite correlation for me between what I read and how I feel about being a Renegade. I've always said it was mostly about the personal challenge, pushing yourself and seeing what you're really made of. See if this rings true for you too;

All is right with the world again. Sleep is a wonderful healer. I finally saw "The DaVinci Code" last night and really enjoyed it. I dunno'. Maybe because I'm a reasonably spiritual person who doesn't believe in organized religion, doesn't believe in divinity or creation but DOES believe that Christ existed, believes he was probably a charismatic, caring and loving individual that ultimately had a huge impact on humanity and the future of mankind. So the theories put forth in the movie worked for me. I still have a lot of theories of my own however ... time travel still being my first choice ... I'll expand on that some other time.

Having an hour to kill between the time we bought the movie tickets and the time the movie started we spent time exploring downtown Davis and found a nice little mexican restaurant called "Mariachis" where we got our salsa on. There's a lot of little tucked away restaurants and bars in downtown Davis yet to be explored. So many bars, so little time. Davis is a great walking-around town though. They've done an ab-fab job of keeping their downtown lively by limiting the crushing competition that would be created by allowing the big conglomerates like Walmart and Target into the community. It's a little inconvenient if you suddenly find yourself needing a pair of pantyhose in the middle of the night but it's a worthwhile trade to have a thriving, active and financially healthy downtown.

Having sung the praises of Davis it's difficult to explain why I'm so gung-ho about moving to Sac's mid-town ... but I am ... and I plan to go exploring there for a place to live as soon as time allows. With the summer schedule I have that should be like SEPTEMBER. The sooner the better though and I plan to jump on it at the first reasonable opportunity. I think it's the trees, or the smell, the weather, I dunno', but something about mid-town is comforting to me ... maybe because it's reminescent of more idyllic times in my life ... I think that's the draw.

So, the world is smooth again and my rough edges are temporarily soothed. I think the prospect of the upcoming long weekend is partially responsible. Even though, to quote my Mom, "I'll be as busy as a cat covering s**t on a tin roof", the weekend should be a good break. Hey, at least I won't be working!!!!! I may or may not judge, I may or may not march a parade, I do have a couple of performances and a long rehearsal day but it's all fun and games in it's own way and I'm looking forward to it.

Happy 4th ... see you on the other side.

Sometimes the world feels like sandpaper

... and everything rubs you the wrong way til you're raw. It is days like today that I really do wish I had winged monkeys.

I am completely irrationally irritated today to the point of being ready for a rubber room. Everything is the absolute END of the world today and I KNOW that’s crazy and I’ve had worse days and I need to do a better job of keeping my perspective, blah, blah, blah. People are dying in Africa and I have no right to complain … look where I live. Ok intellectually I get it ….even so ... I’m uncompromisingly, and unhappily, pissy today.

I went to bed irritated last night and it was still there when I woke up this morning. It’s sticking with me like a crack habit. It started when I got home yesterday and couldn’t figure out how to reconnect my computer and it just rolled downhill like a snowball outta’ hell from there. I just wanted to spend a few hours kicking back with my Sims and had to suffer through 30 minutes of sheer frustration to reconnect everything properly. Ack! And it was hot … I mean hot … really hot … all of last night. I woke up at 2:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep until 5:00 so I’m burnt to a crisp today. Add to that the joy of a broken email system at work which pretty much set the pace for the morning. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with a truly intellectually challenged customer service rep for Sprint. Sometimes it frightens me how stupid adult people can be and I wonder how they get through their day to day life. More terrifying is … they get to vote …. and reproduce. While I was on the phone with the Sprint-idiot (as I now affectionately think of her) I received 3 phone messages – one was from the City of Davis telling me to get my trash can out of the gutter or I’ll be fined. What? When I get home I’ll figure out what the hell they’re talking about. The other 2 I simply saved for a time when I’m a little more sane. Thinking I’d get a grip on myself with some lunch, I headed over to the drive thru at Carl’s Jr. and hokey-smoke Bullwinkle got all the wrong food ............ and a cherry coke. Yuck and hurl! I absolutely despise cherry coke. Of course I discovered none of this until I was back at my desk food in hand. Lunchtime joy brought to me by a girl I’ve actually called to complain to the manager about on two previous occasions. Why does this chick still have a job? If I did my job like she does hers, I’d have been fired long ago. Today my focus at work is on a task I utterly abhor but its 1:09 and the day is half over now. If I didn’t have so much to do I would feign an ache or pain of some kind and go home and pull the covers over my head ... but I can’t. So I’m here. And actually feel a bit better for having emotionally-shot-my-wad in my blog. Whew! I will give fair warning to everyone at home as soon as I hit the front door that I’m a lousy person today ….. please don’t feed the bears.

Why is there no OTC pill for this?

No! YOU'RE a towel!!!!!!

Happy Anniversary John & Dori Roy

I’m slamming water today. I am so dehydrated. It was an all-Rene weekend and it was both physically and emotionally draining! This morning I look like a piece of overcooked bacon and have a blue bruise on my nose where I tried to catch a flag toss with my face. Someone asked me if I went to the tanning booth … sigh. Having an all drum corps weekend is a little like traveling to a distant planet no one has ever heard of. It’s always a shocking surprise to me to return to earth on Monday morning where other people planted flowers, ate BBQ ribs and relaxed by the pool for the past two days. These summer routines are a fond and distant memory to me. How do you explain to someone that you chose to spend your weekend running around a football field at 180bpm, fighting sunburn and dehydration? People keep asking me “how was your weekend?” and I get this blank look because I don’t quite know what to say. If only there was way to explain this whacky activity and the hold that it gets on people. But there’s just not … so I finally just say “good, how was yours?”

Today would have been my parent’s 52nd wedding anniversary so they’re on my mind. They’d been married for 48 years when my mom passed away but me, my Dad and my boys celebrated their 50th anniversary anyway by having dinner at in a booth at Denny’s. I know that sounds weird but it was always my Mom’s big joke that her family was soooo small that she could hold her 50th wedding anniversary party in a booth at Denny’s – so we did – and we had a good laugh over it. We went right after the Moonlight Classic in Stockton in 2004. My Dad was able to attend the show and it turned out to be the only time he ever saw me do my senior corps thing. He and my Mom were always supportive of my drum corps geekiness so it’s no big surprise that he was really proud of me and had a good time at the show. As always, he was most impressed with the talent of the jr. corps hornlines. My Dad is a big Bonnie Ott fan. He passed away just before the 2005 season shows started.

I had the worst show of my entire life yesterday – so now I know what THAT'S like and I can cross that off my list of scary shit I’m afraid of -- it was on my list directly under being burned alive so you can see how yesterday was a pretty big deal to me. New on my list of scary shit though is “what if this is the best I can do?” It’s in the number three spot with a bullet but I refuse to dwell on that right now and I’m going to go get some more water ……

Weekend wrap up … sock buns, don’t ask don’t tell … Jesus Christ in scuba gear … Mommy, why is that man wearing those funny shoes … to strip or not to strip that is the question … you can wear gloves but you have to be nude … equipment Nazis with dymo labelers (where the hell is your tazer when you need it most) … NO shade for you …

And the award goes to ...
Worst Moment Runner-Up – Cracking myself in the nose with the flag
Worst Moment(not in a performance) – a practice field next to a huge public swimming pool
Best Moment Runner Up – Hearing Jim Jackson playing horn parts from the 1975 SCV show and feeling the need to travel from the backside line to the front side line just to give him a hug.
Best Overall -- Thank God I have great friends.

And that’s all I have to say about that .....

Random Weekend Tidbits

Tough rehearsal this past weekend. Our first show is upon us and we’re still fraying at the edges. Funniest thing I heard this weekend though was our staff trying to make us feel better by telling us we don’t want to peak too early anyway. Hahahahahaha. According to numerous accounts, things actually began to take shape by the end of the weekend. After watching the video I must say it looks better than it feels. I have to keep reminding myself that we’ve really only had about four “real” camps to pull together an almost complete show. When you look at it like that we’re doing phenomenally well. It’s also therapeutic to remember that we don’t really have to be ready to kick butt until August – which is many camps away as yet.

I stayed this weekend at the south bay haven that is Rhonda’s Los Gatos home. Rhonda (aka “Rio”) is an outstanding hostess with a beautiful home only ten minutes from the rehearsal field and she’s an absolute gem to share it with this rowdy, loud and smelly crew. Thanks Rhonda, I sincerely appreciate it! Even with no fewer than twelve of the ReneCrew in residence we were all truly comfortable and well taken care of with a great breakfast thrown in by Chef Cabanban. Let’s rehearse down south more often!!!

There was a corps party at Gilman's on Saturday night but this girl was far too tired to make it and was in bed by 11:00.

The ‘Gades previously scheduled appearance at BD Family Day on Sunday was cancelled a couple of weeks ago because we quite simply needed some additional time to pull it together – especially given the snare scare. A few of us managed to make it to DVC as spectators though to watch BD A, B and C show off their chops. Too much is yet to be finished to get a real feel for how good BD’s A Corps is going to be this year but the new unis and drums are exceptionally nice and, from what I saw on Sunday, the corps is strong and sounds good. West is best. Bring it back to Cali!

There was much random mention made this weekend of towels (NO! YOU’RE a towel) and of “socks” -- for hair buns as well as for use with a pickle. Don’t ask, I’m not telling, just remember your socks … for multiple reasons. Guard unis are yet to be seen and yet another pair of guard shoes needs to be purchased. Lots of things to do and organize this week in prep for the hectic show weekend ahead. The schedule for this work week is just about as frantic as the upcoming weekend – besides real work there’s a sectional tonight and tomorrow with another long one scheduled for Friday night. I have to say my thoughts are NOT on my 9-5 gig this week. Instead I find myself thinking about the dreaded “blue flagwork” all the time. Thanks to everyone who was so willing to help me wrap my mind around this but a special shout out goes to Debada for “slap-a-bitch, throw up, up and down, be pretty, poke!” Some crazy-shyt that really works.

WalMart Weirdness

I exited Walmart a few days ago to find the parking lot where I left my car swathed in vivid yellow crime scene tape. ????? I’m sure my face was a comical mix of both panic and confusion. Panic because I don’t like meeting policeman … for any reason … ever … even at a cocktail party … and confusion because, frankly, I was confused. I stood there stupidly waiting for my fight or flight instincts to cool down and worked hard to discern just what the hell happened in the 30 minutes I was in Walmart and how I was going to get out of there discretely.

The condensed version is that a lone policeman, investigating a robbery, made like Baretta by leaping onto the hood of a moving car, firing 8 shots through the windshield and killing the robbery suspect driving the car before falling off the car and breaking his leg …. right in front of my car … all this happened while I was inside pondering which Capri pants to buy?!?!?!?!

It took over an hour to get out of the parking lot passing no less than 30 police cars and twice as many policemen. I think the hair on the back of my neck finally relaxed like two days later.

No one at work believed my excuse for being back late from lunch. Trust me; it was really satisfying to show them THIS; yet another entry for the part of my scrapbook titled Things I Thought Would Never Happen to Me.

Thought for today ...

vegetables are pronounced vejetables and vegetarian is pronounced vejetarian … so why isn’t vegan pronounced vejan?

Drummers Wanted !!!!!

The San Francisco Renegades Drum and Bugle Corps, 4-time DCA finalists, are looking for talented battery and pit people. This is a unique opportunity to join a kick azz drumline with tour fee and housing assistance. Don't miss this opportunity to see what the view is like from the 50 ... in sunglasses !!!

See the links below for more information. Send me a message with questions. Tote that barge and lift that bale. Move heaven and earth. Do whatever you have to but get the information on this. Come see what it's like to be a rockstar.

Lee Rudnicki's Blog7
San Francisco Renegades


7

See you at camp!!!

Widowmaker ???

An accent wall is being painted in my office today. It’s purple … well a variation on purple anyway … it looks nice and I rather like it. The color is called “widowmaker”. Hmmmmm. How is that a name for a color? Really. What happened to “grape”, “eggplant”, “wine” and, oh I dunno’ … “purple”. Widowmaker? That one was never in my Crayola Big Box. Should I be concerned about an office painted in widowmaker? I haven’t decided.

I’m having one of those days again where I’m feeling like I missed out on important information provided in a film or a pamphlet that MUST have been handed out at school on some day I was playing hooky and as a result I’m ill equipped for life. Like I was born holding a curling iron and a can of Spaghettios and launched into the world left to my own devices and utterly befuddled trying to figure out how to make the two things work together. Sigh.

The man painting my accent wall keeps secretly farting. Well, at least he THINKS it’s a secret. Little does he know that I’m onto him. I am going to lunch where I hope the odors I’m surrounded with will be a bit more enticing than those in my office.

Treasure Island this weekend. Rain in the forecast. Well, otherwise it wouldn’t be Renegades.